It feels strange that I’ve been away from university study for over two months now, with my final exam having finished at the end of May. Not only this, but I’ve been three months out of a hospital admission under section, over three months since my last general hospital requiring incident, and weeks free of self-harm. Sounds pretty lame, but I’m kind of bossing life at the moment. It’s going good. So here’s what’s been going on with me.
Preparation for next year at university
As well as readings lots of books at my own leisure, I have been cracking on with some Class A Amazing books (as well as some less thrilling ones) for some of my modules next year. My favourites so far have been Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe (for my Romanticism module) and The Power by Naomi Alderman, which is for my Spring Popular Culture module. Because I found myself last year having to skim read chunky texts in short periods of time, I’ve decided to read all of the core texts before the term starts, to save myself some stress.
In preparation for going back to university in September, I have also been re-allocated a mental health advisor. I’m meeting up with her before term starts and hopefully the service will be able to help me more this year.
Looking after my own mental health
Although incidents wise my mental health has been pretty amazing, that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been struggling. My mood at the moment seems to be alright most at the time (with some catastrophic declines), but anxiety is the real Bummer. This is something that has happened every summer for the past few years where I sort of isolate myself and thus feel very strange and anxious about getting out and about and doing things, but I’ve been trying really hard and also accepting that some days aren’t going to be as great as others.
Changing up my look
My best friend dyed my hair for me way back in March and there was definitely still a red/pink tint, but this week it’s been topped up and I’m feeling FABULOUS. My hair is naturally a bit of a dull brown so I like adding a bit of cherry pink colour to it to make it more exciting. I don’t really bother with make up during the holidays (probably because my anxiety means I don’t see people very often. Also, effort) so having my hair dyed kind of tricks me into thinking that I’m making an ‘effort’ (which is important when you’re bed-ridden depressed) all the time. Woo.
Planning for my student house
In three weeks I’m moving into my new student house with my course mates. It’s especially exciting because I’ve spent the last year in catered accommodation (would not recommend), but obviously this year I’ll be cooking all my own food and sort of looking after myself a little bit more.
I am a little bit worried because there are going to be times when I’m in the house on my own (only recently have I been actually coping being in my own house at home on my own), and also on the other hand, times when I’m going to have to interact with my friends even when I’m not feeling up to it. However, this nervousness is largely overridden by my excitement at the prospect of decorating my new room and turning it into a self-care and comfort (and studying, meh) den.
Watching Celebrity Big Brother
OK so Big Brother is utter trash, but it gives me something to add to my routine and I’m not going to lie, I get pretty into it. I like all that Psychology and analysis shit, but at the heart of it, it’s just easy TV with (some) likeable personalities. Indulging myself in a bit of reality TV is a really good distraction, despite how heated up I get into housemate arguments and controversies. It also gives me some time to chill out and watch television with my Mum, which is really nice.
Travelling to Birmingham
Like I said, my house-binding anxiety has been pretty catastrophic at the moment, but I have managed (twice!) to get down to Birmingham to see my best friend, Victoria, and her super cute puppy, Harlyn. This is a big deal because I find train journeys really draining and stressful.
I’ve just got back from Birmingham today and I’ve had a great week. It started off a bit stressful – I decided to walk from the train station to Tori’s house with all my luggage (in a strange, unknown area), because I was too scared to call a taxi. It only took me just over an hour but I strained my back and I was convinced I was lost right up until I got into her house.
Typical of me, the trip consisted of some tears, some annoying sarcastic banter on my part, occasional strops, non-stop tweeting, a multitude of selfies, make overs, minor arguments and plenty of dog cuddles.